I was talking with one of my best friends the other day about how our parents don't have close friends. It's like after some period of time or some certain age, you don't maintain good friends any more. We were trying to figure out why, and we came to the conclusion that you become less and less willing to be open and honest and vulnerable about who you really are.
You develop a need to maintain some facade of righteousness or normality from everyone outside your family. Look at children--they are completely honest, and then we slowly train them not to say and do certain things because they are inappropriate (which is often true--e.g. don't hit or bite) or because other people might not approve (e.g. talking about poop or farts in public). I am painfully aware of this with my daughter. Whenever I say poopy or anything like that outside of our home, she says, "Don't say that, Mommy. People will think you are yucky!" But she is just fine with whatever scatological vulgarity that comes out of my mouth at home. I think this issue is especially true of Christians, particularly those in ministry, like my parents or my friend's parents. They have this need to maintain a certain Christian image--even if it is not what they necessarily believe--for the sake of not upsetting or offending other people or losing respect and their reputation.
That is why maybe I need to make this blog public. I am beginning my journey towards dishonesty and secrecy about what I really think and believe, and I need to change directions FAST.
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