I talked to one of my close friends about all this church and Christianity stuff yesterday, and she was kind of encouraging. She said I need to contact the guy who gave us that weird word and ask him about it. Ray got me his email address today, so we will see what happens. My friend also said she thinks I am being targeted by "the enemy" because I am "powerful." I hate that kind of language.
I am again thinking that I just need to go to a different church (like this Episcopal one that is two blocks away). I think half my problem is the church we are going to. But it would be really hard for my husband if I stopped going. My friends would be sad too. And my daughter would probably be confused about why we weren't all going anymore. And I am kind of fascinated by our church--whenever we miss a Sunday, I am afraid I am going to miss some interesting charismatic production or that I am going to miss experiencing God or something.
All that to say, as much as it would probably be a good idea for me personally to go somewhere else, I don't think I can or will. I am too people-pleasing and social--and our church is our primary community right now.
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One time, when I was really depressed in high school, and Dad and I were swimming at Hua Hin, he told me that if I committed suicide it would be the devil's way of targeting our ministry in Thailand. I think thinking that way is corrosive.
ReplyDeleteStill, I think it's a really good idea to email that guy. Just be prepared for a really defensive reaction. Even if he did have the "word" for you just because he knew your names, that doesn't mean it didn't really come from God, too.
I love you and your beautiful questions, and I think being honest about them with your church community will make everyone you know (including you and your daughters) stronger and better people.