I remember being so frustrated when my sister stopped believing in God at some point in her life because she just wasn't making enough of an effort. Since then she has moved on and probably has more faith than me, but it is weird to think of how I just didn't get it. I thought not believing was her choice.
I have been thinking this evening about the course of this whole process and when my doubt all began this most recent time, and I think it really started when I entered grad school in September 2006, over 2.5 years ago. I didn't really have time to spend on all my Christian stuff (praying, reading the Bible, etc.) anymore, and sure enough, doubt set in. (Some would say, I made way for "the enemy." So annoying.) I want to write more about this tomorrow, but the point is that I do blame myself. I still feel guilt about it. If I had just worked harder to stay focused on God and keep this negativity at bay, maybe all would still be fine and dandy.
But if I really believe in the Jesus I used to believe in, who preaches that love and grace cover all, I shouldn't have all that awful guilt. The truth is that I don't think we as Christians actually believe that love and grace cover everything.
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