Mysteries

I am reading The Brothers K by David James Duncan which is the perfect book to be reading when you have grown up in an uber-Christian home but don't know what you think about it all. There was a great line in the part I read today: "Work out your own salvation in fear and trembling," which I can only assume is something from the Bible that I don't quite remember. I just googled it, and it is from Philippians 2:12. So there you go. Some encouragement straight from God himself to ask the questions you need to ask. So that is what I am going to try to do.

Today we visited my grandfather. He has been moved out from one of the local hospital's hospice units and back to the assisted living facility where he was housed before he became critically ill. Yesterday he slept the entire day and was entirely unresponsive, but today, after we awakened him, he was fully responsive. He smiled, kissed, and put his arm around my daughter. And she treated him with more lovingly and tenderly than I have ever seen her treat anyone or anything. She--a three-and-a-half-year-old, fed her great-grandfather jello spoonful by spoonful. And she understands that he is getting better. And after spending endless hours in his tiny, boring, undecorated room without any toys, she wants to stay on with him and not to go home. It is truly incredible.

So I am going to need to start dealing with and writing about these spiritual questions I have been encountering, and I think I need to attempt to summarize my faith thus far in order to make headway. I grew up in a very conservative Christian denomination. My parents and the other Christians I knew were passionate about their faith and determined to share it, but they were legalistic about many things (particularly activities like drinking, smoking, swearing, etc.) and did not look favorably on the more charismatic methods of expressing Christianity.

I now go to a church where the supernatural is highly emphasized. The congregation is convinced that God is moving among us, but all I can tell is that these people are definitely having powerful emotional and psychological experiences. This all came to a head when I thought I heard angels singing at a church service about six weeks ago.